


The Silence Is Violent (The Truth Is Too Loud)

by EternityPrevails



Series: Secrets [5]
Category: Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice (Comics), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Child Abandonment, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Wally West has ADHD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25826932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternityPrevails/pseuds/EternityPrevails
Summary: Wally as 12 when he became kid flash.He was 14 when he collapsed after not eating for three days.He was 15 when Barry relized his father was abusing him and using wallys super healing to hide the evidence.He was 15 when his parents were put in jail and Barry adopted him.He was 17 when his parents got out of jail early and he relized that maybe surviving was the easy part.Wally: 17Dick: 15Barry: 35
Relationships: Barry Allen & Leonard Snart, Barry Allen & Wally West, Dick Grayson/Wally West
Series: Secrets [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720981
Comments: 33
Kudos: 71





	1. Day 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this chapter seems a little familiar its because jts based off a 5+1 story that I did a while ago called embolden

_Wally's back hit the wall hard knocking the breath out of him. He gasped putting his hand up to his throat and trying to remember how to get air back into his lungs._

_"GET UP!!" His dad screamed towering over him but Wally was still struggling, trying to remember how to breathe, every rough gasp felt painful and left him choking on air. "I SAID GET YOU YOU STUPID BRAT"_ _His dad pulled him up by the hair off of the ground. Wally thrashed in his hands but he was too short to make contact. He just wanted to run away, he wished the flash would come and save him._

_"I'm sorry, I'll be good I promise" he begged, choking out the words painfully but already fully knowing it wouldn't work. In fact, it had the opposite effect and his dad grew even angrier throwing him back against the floor and throwing a still half-full beer bottle at him. Instinctually Wally put his hand up trying to try and protect his face, but it only partially worked as the glass bottle hit his arms shattering and sinking into the pale skin on his arms and his cheek._

_He screamed in pain scattering back and looking up at his dad who was now taking off his belt, Wally swallowed hard and tried to run back to his room only to be grabbed by the hair and thrown back down. The impact of the wall dug glass farther into his arms and the impact of the belt drove several shards even deeper till he physically couldn't stop himself from screaming in pain._

* * *

Wally woke up screaming, he wasn't sure where he was or what was going on. His entire body hurt, everything hurt. He could feel the glass in his arms and the welts that the belt had left on his skin and the blood dripping down his arms. He knew he needed to be quiet before he woke up his father and got punished again but he couldn't stop. He balled his fists into the sheets screaming again not really sure why he was even screaming. If his father heard him he would beat him for sure. He heard his door open, he needed to be quiet but couldn't remember how. He felt hands on him and he lashed out violently, he knew this was a bad idea. He was too short to injure his father and even if he did it would only result in a worse beating. 

Still, he couldn't stop himself from thrashing in the arms that were now holding him. There was a voice talking to him but he couldn't hear it over the sound of his own screams. He was waiting for impact, for his father's fist, or belt, or another beer bottle. He knew it was coming and was honestly surprised it had taken this long. "I'm sorry" he begged "I'll be good, I'll be quiet. Please, Daddy, don't hurt me." He braced himself for impact or for his father's screams but neither ever came leaving him confused and even more terrified. He slowly risked opening his eyes, he was in a room. 

"Wally," a voice said, he recognized the voice. He couldn't place from where though, why were they here? Was this man going to hurt him as daddy did? Wally struggled and thrashed in the stranger's arms wanting free. The hands let him go and he scrambled back till he hit the headboard had and curled into himself. He was rocking slightly and he knew if his daddy caught him rocking it would only make the punishment worse but he couldn't help it. This was too much, everything was too much. A broken sob escaped his lips.

"Please, please don't hurt me." he hiccuped burying his face deeper into his hard knees."Don't hurt me, don't hurt me ill be good, I can be a good boy I promise, please don't hurt me" his words tampered off into another sob and he heard the other person moving around the room. He felt a dip near the end of his bed and he whimpered expecting a belt to hit him. Instead, he felt a hand softly sit down on his knee and he touched away. 

"Wally, nobody is going to hurt you. open your eyes"

Wally shook his head, he was too scared. He wished they would just get it over with, stop pretending to be nice and hit him. Tell him he's been bad.

"bad, stupid, useless, worthless child, bad, stupid, useless, worthless child, bad, stupid, useless, worthless child" He whispered it over and over like a mantra. He had heard his father say it so many times and he knew it was true. If it wasn't true then why had his daddy said it? He shifted on the bed trying to move farther from the person and realized with a shock of horror that the bed and his shorts were both wet.

_His father slapped him causing him to stagger to the side. "GOD DAMN IT BOY WHAT ARE YOU A BABY? WETTING THE BED LIKE A SCARED LITTLE BITCH CAUSE I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO BE SCARED OF"_

His eyes flew open and he tried to back up more but he couldn't "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean to I'm sorry I'm..." He was breathing too fast and he couldn't make sense of what was going on. He knew that he knew the person sitting in front of him. the person looking terribly concerned, but he couldn't figure out who it is. The person was talking, he couldn't seem to figure out what was being said. 

"Please don't hurt me" he whimpered and the person frowned. 

"Wally, it's me. Uncle Barry?" 

Uncle Barry, Wally had defiantly heard that name before. That was Aunt Iris's husband and they had adopted him after his parents went to jail for child abuse when he was fifteen. Reality all seemed to come back at once like a slap. He covered his face with his hands and let out another loud long shriek trying to get rid of all the confusing emotions that had built up inside his chest. He let himself scream till it finally tapered off as an exhausting sob. He was so tired

"u-uncle-uncle Barry?" he whispered. He covered his mouth feeling like he was going to be sick. "I'm sorry I um..." He wasn't sure what he was trying to say but his words blurred together "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, i..." he began to lean heavily to one side like he might pass out. 

"It's okay kid" He saw Barry get up and exit his field of vision again only to come back closer and wrap his arms tightly around him. Wally leaned against him heavily breaking down completely. 


	2. Day 1 (pt.2)

Wally woke up in Barry's bed nearing noon. He woke up in pain, he felt sick and dizzy and hazy. After lying in bed for a while trying to build up motivation he slowly pushed himself into a sitting position with a small groan of pain. He didn't remember much of last night but he could still feel the stiff pain from his nightmares. He glanced at the clock again 2:08 PM. Barry must have called and made an excuse for him to skip training this morning, he would probably still be able to catch afternoon training.

He got up slowly feeling incredibly dizzy and lightheaded. Even more so than he should have been from missing breakfast. His head was spinning with memories of nightmares and tinges of pain in his arms. Wally found himself walking slowly, slow for a normal person a snail's pace for a speedster, downstairs. From the stairs, he could see Barry sitting on the couch with a movie playing in 2x speed but also abnormally quit. He must have not wanted to wake Wally up. The fact Barry was home at all was kinda surprising given that he was supposed to be at work today. Guilt boiled in his stomach at the thought that Barry modified his schedule to accommodate him.

He tried to stay quiet but the dizziness threw off his balance and he stumbled down the bottom step making a soft sound. Even that soft sound was enough to make Barry look up and Smile. "Hey kid"

Wally wasn't feeling talkative today still he offered a weak smile. "Hey" he muttered. He closed his eyes against another dizzy spell that had him stumbling. Barry flashed over wrapping an arm around Wally to stop him from falling. 

"How about we get you some food" Barry offered "you were vibrating in your sleep. You probably burned all your energy." 

Wally shrugged pushing his uncle off of him and walking to the couch laying back down. "Not hungry" he muttered. Barry flashed in front of him with arms crossed and a raised eyebrow

"Not hungry?" He repeated disbelievingly. Wally just ignored his scepticism and closed his eyes. He felt awful both emotionally and physically, food just didn't seem appealing today. After a minute Barry sat down on the couch and brushed his fingers through Wally's hair. "Wally, I know you must be scared but yo..."

Wally felt a violent flare of anger and he shoved Barry's hands off of him getting up from the coach "WHAT DO YOU KNOW!" he screamed as loud as he could. His voice was raw from screaming in his sleep so it was less loud and more scratchy. "HE'S OUT OF JAIL, HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN JAIL FOR THREE MORE YEARS BUT HE'S OUT. THEY LET HIM OUT". Wally felt tears burning his eyes. Yesterday afternoon he had heard the news that his father was getting out of jail. He had been put in jail when Wally was 15, three years ago, for child abuse. He was supposed to serve six years but yesterday he got out early for good behaviour and Wally was terrified.

"HE'S OUT OF JAIL, HE'S GOING TO, HE'S GONNA" Wally looked at his hand terrified. He could almost see the blood and glass shards dug into his arms. He felt like crying "He's gonna find me, he's gonna kill me. He's gonna find me and kill me." Wally whispered the last words. 

The entire time Wally was being abused Rudolph, his dad, had swore up and down that if Wally ever told he would kill him. While Wally technically didn't tell, Barry found out after Wally fainted from malnutrition for the second time in under a year. It didn't matter cause either way it resulted with Rudolph in jail. After the adoption was finalized Barry, Iris, and Wally moved and changed schools and had gone through all the hoops to make sure that his dad wouldn't find him. Still, Wally was terrified. Rudolph was going to find him and kill him. 


	3. Day 1 (pt.3)

It took a lot of convincing and borderline begging for Barry to let Wally go to afternoon training. Which was actually less of training and more of team building. In the end he had to eat, take a nap, swear up and down he was fine, and promise to call if he needed Barry to come pick him up. Wally knew his uncle wasnt happy about it but honestly Wally needed to do something today in order to feel normal. 

"Hey Wally" Robin called out as Wally exited the zeta tube. Of course Robin would be stalking the zeta tube and waiting for Wallys arrival. There was none of his normal teasing or harassing about Wally missing morning training. Just a smile and a knowing look. Robin knew, he knew about the abuse. He knew about the threats, he knew about his dads early release. He knew everything. But he was the only one on the team. The test of the team was oblivious and belived that the flash was Wallys dad, not uncle.

"Hey kid-klutz where were you this morning?" Artemis called as she passed through the zeta room to go toward the bedrooms. Wally tried to remeber the excuse that Barry had give for his absence. 

He shrugged as nonchalantly as he could manage and put on a characteristic smile "catching bad guys and flirtin with babes" he smirked. Artemis just rolled her eyes not missing a step as she left the room again. A moment of quiet settled between the two boys just making sure that Artemis had actually left before Robin sat a hand on Wallys arm. 

"Are you okay?" He asked gently. A lot of people assumed that Robin was cold much like his mentor but he wasnt. Infact he was the first person to even find out about Wally being abused and he had held him as he cried about it more than once. "Barry told me you had a rough night" Wally lowered his head slightly.

"I think so, still processing the fact he's even getting out this early."

Robin looked like he was about ti say something else but they wete interrupted by hollering from down the hall in the lounge room. "KID, ROBIN, Yall are gonna miss the begining on the movie."

"What movie?" Wally asked genuinely confused. He hadnt been here when they decided what the team building would be for the day, nit that he really cared. He was down with almost anything and a movie was good because if his thoughts started to wonder it would result in an injury.

"We decided for team building we would watch a movie. You know, something calm" Wally chucked. Three years on the team and some things never changed. Including their very loose, very teenage definition of what it meant to do team building. The two boys walked down the hall where the rest of the team was already settled in and watching the movie. It was some generic action flick and the entire time it was playing the group of teenage heros relentlessly judged yhe fighting scenes.

Wally was actually begining to relax and enjoy the movie when the action scene cut to some kind of flashback scene where the hero was a kid. Wally gritted his teeth watching the scene carefully. The hero was standing infront of an angry man, presumably his dad, looking scared. Wally felt sick and his chest began to feel tight. 

On the TV the dad slapped the little boy knocking him back and screaming at him. Wally could almost feel the impact from the beer bottle like he had in his dream. He could feel the welts on his arm and the smell of beer. Normaly abuse scenes of the TV didnt bother him too much but he must have been sensative from his nightmare because he was suddenly feeling like there was a weight on his chest. He squeezed his eyes closed with a small unintentional whimper. He couldnt let the team know that there was something wrong. Not after he missed training this morning and came in late for team building. 

He opened his eyes again and for a second was really confused. Everything was moving expectionally slow. it took him a second to realize that his anxiett was probably making him vibrate so fast it perspectivly slowed time. A spark fo fear ran theough him before some rationality kicked it, he just needed to calm down, just take a few deep breaths and calm down and slow down si that everything could get back to moving full speed. Of course he knew things were moving at their regular speed, he was the one going too fast. He closed his eyes again. This used to happen when he first got his speed, it happened to Barry on the ocassion as well. Anxious speedsters we just prone to moving too fast and accidentally freezing their surroundings.

He tried to breath and slow himself down but instead his mind sunk into memories of his dream. The feeling of glass shards in his arms and face. The feeling of blood dripping down his body, the belt hitting him, the smell of beer and blood. The fear and terror that he felt at that exact moment in time. He covered his face trying to regain control but the more he panicked the slower his surrounds seemed to move until the world was completely frozen. 

He tangled his hands into his hair whimpering as he became fully engulfed by violent flashbacks that made him want to scream in pain. He felt sick and anxious and the fact everything was moving so slow around him made him even more anxious. The TV was frozen on a scene of the dad mid-swing with his belt. Robi. was paused glancing in his direction as if he had been about to check on him before Wally began to panic. He was locked in panic attacks for what felt like hours in the quiet frozen room before he finally exhausted himself to the point he physically couldnt vibrate that fast anymore and his body began to slow and the world around him began to speed up.

He was now too exhausted and couldnt take anymore. He flashed out of the room and back to his bedroom deeper in the cave. He knew this whole thing happened fast enough that the team wouldnt have even seen him vibrating, or noticed his panic, or even seen him move, cause even though it felt like hours of panicking and anxiety for wally it was less than a second for everyone else. They would have felt a tiny gust of wind and then his empty seat.

He locked the door and collapsed into bed curling up onto himself. This was a mistake, he shouldnt have come to the cave, he shouldnt have even gotten out of bed today. He didnt want to be here but he also didnt want to call Barry and tell him that he was right, that Wally could do it.

Wally jumped at the knock on his door and felt a sharp stab of fear fill him that was swifting relieved when Robin walked into the room looking sympathetic. He walked into the room locking the door and sitting his sunglassed down on the nightstand. "I brought you some food" he offered holding out a couple of high calorie energy bars designed specifically for speedsters as he sat down on the bed. Wally reluctantly took one feeling too out if energy to care. "How long were you stuck?" Dick asked. He knew. He always knew. They had been friends for so long that Dick knew exactly what it looked like when Wally or Barry got stuck, wven though most people wouldnt have even noticed the difference. 

"Felt like a few hours" he muttered taking a few reluctant bites of his food. "I cant do it, I thought I could but I cant..." He wiped a few years roughly off his face looking at his boyfriend. "Im too scared, hes gonna hurt me, he's going to..."

"I wont let him" Dick put his hand on the side of Wallys face and wiped away some tears that Wally hadnt even relized he was crying "he wont lay a finger on you ever again" Dick looked so serious and sure of himself but Wally couldnt stop the feeling of absolute terror that still boiled in his soul. He put a hand infront of his mouth letting out a soft sob. He was emotionally vunerable and raw. He didnt know how to do this. He was too scared to even think rationally. He trusted Dick but that didnt change the fact he also knew his dad. And he knew that he wouldnt give up until he found Wally and made him pay for telling 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please comment


	4. Day 3

Monday, monday, monday. Why didnit have to be Monday? That was all Wally could think about as he dragged his feet through thw overly crowded halls of his highschool. He loved school, it wasnt that. Just that every loud noise made him flinch and every time someone brushed against him he felt panic boil in his chest. He had been high strung all weekend since learning about his dads release and now he was exhausted and anxious. 

He had practically begged his uncle Barry to let him skip and sleep in for the day and Barry almost caved but his aunt Iris instsed that laying in bed and dwelling would only make his anxiety about the matter worse. 

It was only eleven and he already felt like he was going to burst from all the anxiety he had bubbling up inside him. School was hard for him nirmally with the sitting still all day and the teachers who taught stuff he alteady knew, but today with him feeling like he was on the very of an anxiety attack all day. It was infenitly worse. He had chemistry and then lunch and then a free period before his last class. If he could just make it through this class he would have a bit of time to run off extra energy. 

On his way to class he slipped into an empty bathroom and locked himself in allowing hinself to vibrate at a quick speed to try and burn off some of the anxiety. Barry didnt like when he did this because he was afraid of someone seeing but it was Wallys favorite stim and it helped a lot.

After curbing his anxiety enough that he thought he would be able to function Wally slipped into his chemistry class and waited for the bell. Wally had already read this chapter, he had alreasy read the whole textbook but this cjapter in particular was very easy foe him. So he found his mind wandering as he watched the teacher drone on with his lesson. His mind drifted to his fathers house.

The abuse started when he was young, very young. Maybe 6 or 7. Even before he because kid flash at 12. His dad was a mean drunk and insisted that wally spoke too much, ate too much, was too childish, too loud, and was always accusing him of faking his ADHD for attention.

Nothing Wally did even impressed him. At first it was verbal, mostly insults and humiliation but it quickly escalated to violence and physical abuse and then starving him. Starving him is how Barry caught on im the first place. When wally was 14 Rudolph had starved hin for two days and it cased Wally to faint, he managed to someone convince Barry it was nothing. Then a few months later he did the same thing. Going without eating for 3 days, mixed with his speedster metabolism, mixed with the sheer stress of the constant physical abuse caused Wally to pass out and have a seizure while he was at Barrys house after school a few days after his 15th birthday. In the post seizure confusion and brain fog Wally revealed everything.

"WALLACE!" Wally jumped looking at the teacher feeling like his heart was in his throat. "Am I boring you?" The teacher leered over him with a skeptical look that made Wally uncomfortable.

"No sir" he muttered trying not to panic. He felt like he was going to cry. It was just a teacher, he wouldnt hurt him, he was not in a dangerous situation. But being ripped from his thoughts and dumped straight in this situation made him feel terrified. Every instinct in his body wanted to get out of here but instead he swallowed the anxiety and tried to play it off. "I was thinking about a test in my next class" 

The teacher looked skeptical again and turned away. "Well I would appreciate if you would keep your head in this class"

"Sorry" Wally could feel everyone eyes on him and he wanted to shrink into himself or run away. He forced himself to stay calm. His mind felt hazy with anxiety and his chest felt tight and his hands were trembling at a slightly-above-human speed. He tried to focus on the lesson but he couldnt keep his mind focused on anything. The room felt like it was closing in on him and he wished he could leave. He felt like he was going to freak out and wasnt sure he could sit in this class for another hour.

By the time the class was over Wally was so overwhelmed and panicked he was on the verge of tears. He had been cycling between panic attacks and anxious thoughts fir the entire class period. As soon as the bell rag he was out of the door. He didnt even go to lunch, he just ran back to the bathroom and locked the door. He was greatful for this single person bathroom because he had many panic attacks in it and it made a good place to stim when he couldnt in class. He sunk to the floor with his back to the wall and waited for everyone to go to lunch. 

He covered his ears whimpering and sinking into himself. He just needed a few minutes, he needed it to be quiet for just a little bit and then he would be okay. He tangled his hands into his hair trying to keep his thoughts away from his father or the panic building in his chest but thats all they wanted to focus on. Someone tried to open the locked door and Wally flinched violently away from it even though he knew it was just another student.

* * *

 _Wally looked at his door terrified. He had made the mistake of locking it and now his father was furiously banging at it and screaming. He wanted to just unlock it and beg his father to understand that it was an accident but he couldnt move. He couldnt di anything, he was frozen watching yhe door shake and hearing the sound of his fathers vioelnt threats._ _The door began to splinter and suddenly it came open with a loud crash. Rudolph stormed up to Wally pulling him up by his ginger hair._

* * *

Wally whimpered and fumbled to get his phone out of his backpack pressing the first contact on it. It rang for o ly ansecond before the ither end picked up.

"Hey kid, everything okay?" Barry sounded confused as to why Wally was calling him in the middle of the day when he was supposed to be at lunch.

"I need you to come pick me up. I cant do this. I cant. Uncle-barry-please-im-scared-and-I-cant-do-this-pelase-come-pick-me-up."  
He knew he was talking too fast but he couldnt control himself. He roughly wiped tears away from his face sniffling.  
"I-cant-do-this-I-cant-focus-i-cant-think-its-too-much-i-cant-take-it-please-I-wanna-go-home."

"Wally, please calm down. What happened? Whats wrong?" Barry sounded very alarmed by Wallys sudden explosion and Wally felt bad for him. Wally had done nothing but be a massive paranoid bither since he heard the news. 

"Please, I cant do this. Im having flashbacks, i cant do this, i cant be here. Its all too much. Im scared, please" he wiped more tears away, annoyed by his showing of weakness even by himself. 

"Okay, okay. I just need you to breath for me okay."

Wally took a deep shaky breaths trying to calm down. "Okay good," barry said on the other side "im in the middle of an experiment, i can meet you in the office in ten minutes. Will you be okay for that long?"

Wally didnt want to be alone that long but he nodded anyway "yeah" he muttered. It would probably take hin that long to clean himself up. 

"Okay i will text you when im there. Just breath, it'll be okay" Barry hung up and Wally carefully forced himself to get up. He was a mess, his hair was messy from where he was running his jands through it. His face was raw and eyes red from tears, his clothes were all wringled from sitting on the floor. He generally looked like hell.


	5. Day 3 (pt.2)

Barry got to the school as quickly as he good. The phone call had managed to sufficiently scare him and make him regret forcing him to go to school. "Here" he texted, less than a second later Wally walked into the office and he looked rough. He had clearly been crying and his hair was disheveled dispite an attempt to make it look better. It hurt him deeply to see Wally look that scared. It made him hate himself even more for not noticing sooner that he was being abused.

"Hey kid" he offered with a smile and Wally smiled back but Barry could tell how forced it was. He signed him of school for the day and they walked back away from the school where nobody would see them. As soon as they were out of view they flashed right back to the house. When they got to the house Wally immediately hugged Barry starling him. He hugged back carefully rubbing the younger man's back.

"I can't do this, I quit I'm done" Wally started crying against Barry's shirt and the older man wished he knew the proper way to respond. He wished he knew how to fix this and make it all go away. Honestly, he wanted to march right up to Rudolph's door and beat the shit out of him and make him get far away from here. But he knew that wouldn't help anything it would just cause Wally to be more scared. He wished he knew how to make Wally less scared. He had thought he was doing the right thing by telling Wally was getting out, suspecting that if he found out on his own it would be worse, but now he regretted even making that decision. Maybe he should have just allowed ignorance to rest for a little bit. 

Well none of that mattered right now, he couldn't change the past and he needed to figure out how to deal with this right now "What do you mean you quit?" Barry asked rather concerned by the words. He wanted to believe that were just empty frustrated words but he wasn't about to take any chances. 

"I mean I can't do this" Wally pulled away from him and his face was already red from crying again. "I can't keep up this, I can't keep being scared, I can't keep waking up screaming, I can't keep up with this. I just want to know it'll be okay." 

"It will be okay" Barry offered but Wally just got mad

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW?" Barry was completely frozen by Wallys screaming. He almost never screamed or raised his voice. he didn't like screaming and Barry could understand why with all the screaming his father normally did. But the see Wally this riled up and angry was both rare and terrifying. He didn't know what to say. What exact kind of comfort could he offer at this moment? He was a superhero, but so was Wally. He could say the league will protect him but that would require he told the league what was going on. He really didn't know what to say to the younger man. Wally had every right to be terrified. Rudolph was a large violent man and an ex-cop with a lot of connections. If he wanted to find out where they were he could, and there was very little Barry could actually do about that. 

"I don't know Wally" he confessed "but I will always be just a second away, and I won't let him lay a finger on you. Plus you have your team who would protect you if something happened, and the league and even you can fight now so if he did show up it's not like you can't defend yourself. I doubt he will come after you Wally but if he does there are more than a few people willing to defend you, even if they don't know the whole truth."

He hoped that would land well. Wally seemed to contemplate the words for a little bit before hanging his head and covering his face with his hands. The silence was tense and still, Barry couldn't tell if Wally was about to cry, start screaming again, or run away. Either way, Barry was just going to let him, he wanted Wally to get these feelings out in whatever way he could, and if that put Barry listening to a long screaming rant or holding him till he cried himself out or just letting Wally run off and be alone. He was willing to do that. 

After a while, the silence broke with Wally darting away without saying anything. Barry was significantly faster than him, he easily could have caught Wally but instead, he just let him go. Out of the three options that he had been imagining this was the one he wanted to happen the lease but still. He was just kinda worried and wasn't sure what to do. Wally needed something and Barry wasn't sure exactly what it was or how to supply it but he was going to try his best. 

He signed sitting down at the table "Please text me if you plan to miss dinner and/or stay the night somewhere else. Be Careful" He added a little smiley emoji next to the message so that it didn't sound like he was bitter about Wally taking off. 

"ok" was the text he got back, which was good cause at least it meant that Wally did have his phone on him and, hopefully, wasn't planning on doing anything stupid. 

* * *

Wally wasnt really dure where he wa srunning. He just had so much anxious energy that he felt like he was going to explode and needed to get rid of it. And he was, in the only way he knew possible. 

After a while of running he found hinself in Gotham close to the private school where Dick went. Glancing at his watch he noticed that it wa sjust about time for Dick to be getting out of school.

Wally hung out fir a few minutes till he heard the final bell ring and students start pouring out. Dick was easy to identify, Wally had known him so long that he could pick him out of any crowd. "HEY DICK" he calle dout iver the crowd and smiled as his eyes met Dicks and the younger man turned to walk toward him.

"Hey Wally, what are you doing here?" He asked. Wally could hear what he didnt day which was. Why the hell arent you in school and did something happen. 

"Uncle Barry picked me up early, I figured I would come see if you could hang" Wally tried to say as much as he could without revealing anything to the people around him. Dick gave hin a knowing look before pulling out his phone and sending a text to, presumably, Bruce or Alfred. 

"Yeah sure lets get some food" They started walking away from the crowd. When they were far ebough away from everyone else Dick spoke again "youve been crying and your school doesnt get out for another hour, spill. What happened?"

Wally looked down, he had been wishing that Dick wouldn't notice. A naive hope honestly simce Dick noticed everything. "I started having flashbacks at school so uncle Barry signed me out. I was running to burn energy and kinda ended up here" he gave Dick the truth. There was no lying to the boy, he was a bat. 

"Flashbacks" Dick muttered and nodded. They kept walking silently. Wally didnt know where they were going just that they were walking, Dick would lead them somewhere. Eventually they ended up at a Cici's Pizza and Dick payed their way in. Wally felt a bit better after he started eating and Dick seemed to have other things on his mind. 

"Im sorry" Wally felt guilty for just showing up "im stressing you out. I shouldnt have...."

"Its fine" Dick insisted "I wish I could help somehow. I know how scared you are" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENT
> 
> Also remeber in the contect of this story Dick is being severly abused by Bruce but Wally doesnt know yet. (This has little to do with the story)


	6. Day 13

It took almost 2 weeks for Wally to beging to calm back down. For the first week he had ciolent nightmares, and flashbacks, and panic attacks every day multiple times a day. But after that with every passing day his father didnt contact him he began to calm down. He was still anxious and jumpy but now he could arleast get through the day with at most one panic attack. 

The problem now, was that now he had began to calm down from the anxiety he had to catch up on school which he had let slip. As he worked he couldnt help think about how much trouble he would have been in if he let his grades slip this much when he was living at home. His father qould have killed him. 

After Wally was diagbosed with ADHD his father had automatically accused him of lying and faking just to get out if school, so any time Wally stimmed, or had trouble focusing, or in any way showed a symptom of his ADHD he was punished for it. 

He very specifically remebered one time when he was eleven and he was having a lot of really bad executive dysfunction. He was struggling to accomplished anything not because of stupidity, he understood the work and he found it easy most the time, there was just that functioning block that stopped him from finishing it. But that didnt matter cause it was causing him to fall behind in school and instead of trying to understand or help his father beat him bloody. Of course back then Wally didnt have his healing so he had to stay home till the bruises on his face healed because Rudoloh didnt want anyone to suspect abuse. Which caused Wally to fall even farther behind in school. Which made his dad even angrier and made the beatings more vicious. It stayed in that cycle until he eventually forced himself to catch back up at the expenses of his mental health. 

Wally swallowed hard trying to stop thinking about those bad memeories and just focus on his work. But they kept creeping into his mind like an unwanted chill. Everytime he found himself stimming, or distracted, or daydreaming, failing to process what he was reading, or anything else that wasnt being 100% focused he heard his fathers voice in his head violent and threatening. 

After a while he got up from the desk and started pacing his room just needing to move for a second. His brain was being too loud to focus. He kept thinking if his father, his parents. 

His mother was abusive as well but not as much as his father had been. She tried to understand sometimes and she wasnt as outwardly violent. But she was cruel and cold and emotionally manipulative. They had both been put in jail, while in jail they got a divorce. They also both got out early but Wallys mother never threatrned to come after him. It was only his dad who treatened his life. It was only his dad that he was scared of.

Even now that he had calmed down he was still being paranoid. For the past three or four days he had been feeling paranoia that he was being watched and it had been really bothering him. He knew it was probably just anxiety manifesting into paranoia but it had been weighing on him. He would probably mention is to Uncle Barry so that the older speedster could tell him he was just being paranoid.

"Wally!" He heard Barry call him down from the kitchen. A quick glance at the clock and he relized it was time for lunch, he had been in here all morning. He flashed down to the kitchen where Barry was finishing making up a bunch of sandwhiches. 

The two of them sat down to sat down at the table and began eating. "Hows the studying going?" Barry asked and Wally just shrugged stuffing another sandwich in his face.

"Pretty good so far. My mind keeps wondering" he paused for a second before adding on "recently ive felt like im being watched and I cant tell if im being paranoid or not"

Barry looked at him steadily for a few second before shrugging. "You've been under a lot of stress recently you're probably just paranoid" Barry sounded cinfident and it eased the anxiety a little bit that Wally had been feeling. 

"You're probably right"

They sat in silence for a few second before Barry broke the silence again "Wally, I know that you're feeling... better now but if you want to talk me" he glanced down and away for a second "or a professional, We can make that happen" 

Wally wasnt really sure what to say. He had been in therapy for about a year and a half right after his parents were put in prison but Barry offering to pay for a therpaist for him again felt almost insulting. But he also knew how bad he had been after he got the news, especially that first week, so he understood the offer even if he wasnt happy about it. "Thank you" Wally muttered finished the last of his food. "I should get back to work if I want to catch up" and with that he flashed away back to his room.


	7. Day 14

He did not want to be here and he did not want to be doing this but this is what needed to be done so this is what he was doing. At least that's what Flash was telling himself as he stood at the door of the rouges hideout trying to build up the courage to knock. Was he really about to make a deal with a group of villains? The rouges, while they were villains, were mostly minor thieves and they had some weird overprotectiveness over Wally which was why the Flash was here, to begin with. Because he knew they were so protective over the younger hero that they would accept his offer no question. 

He eventually managed to shove his pride down and knock on the door. Captin cold answered. "Hey Red, what are you doing in these parts?" He spoke dryly but not cruel. In the always kinda teasing way that he did. The older man didn't even wait for an answer from the speedster before turning around and walking back inside leaving the door open for Flash to follow. And Follow he did. 

Inside was the two of them who actually knew Flash and Kid Flash's identity. These were the two that Barry had specifically been needing to talk to. "I need your help" Flash stood up tall and tried to act like those words didn't make his skin crawl. He hated needing help, and he hated needed the help of these villains but this was what was best for Wally. And Barry wanted nothing except what was best for Wally. 

The two thieves looked at Flash with an interesting look "We don't do hero business and we don't work for free" Heatwave spoke glaring at Flash the entire time. The two of them had a weakness for Kid Flash specifically, they had a professional relationship at best with Barry. 

"No hero business, I need you to find someone for me... I can pay."

The two were looking at him intently now and he had to pretend that they didn't scare him. And they did scare him, Captain cold's gun was one of the only things in the world that could kill him in one hit before he could even heal from it. He took a deep breath, he needed to explain himself and stop being so stressed. This was what was best for Wally. He had been thinking about doing that since he first heard Rudolph got out of jail but he hadn't wanted to. But ever since Wally said he was feeling like he was being followed Barry couldn't get it out of his head that if he didn't do this and Wally got hurt it would be on him. The two of them already knew who he was so he pulled off his mask so they could see his face. See how serious this situation was. 

"Wally's dad got out of jail just over two weeks ago, before he went to jail he swore he would kill Wally when he got out. Now that he is out Wally has been terrified and is saying that he feels like he's constantly being watched. I can't be there to look after him all the time." He looked at the Villians faces seeing if they were still with him, and they appeared to be following along. Though cold looked like he wanted to fight someone, Barry hoped that expression was directed at Rudolph and not himself. "I want... I NEED you two to find Rudolph, Wally's dad and make sure that he isn't planning to hurt Wally."

He looked at the villains and the room was quiet for a long second. Barry was afraid that he was about to be turned away and anxiety twisted in his chest. But after a little bit, Cold finally broke the silence. "Keep your money, the only person allowed to attack Baby flash is us" 

That was cutely sentimental in a very weird way. "So you'll do it?" Barry clarified

"Of course we will do it" Heatwave spoke from his desk. Barry felt a huge wave of relief. The rouges would fine Rudolph and they would make sure he wasn't scheming. That meant both him and Wally could sleep easier. Or at least he could, he didn't plan to tell wally.

"Don't tell wally I was here" He added as a second thought. He had done this partially for himself. If the rouges could keep an eye on Rudolph then Barry could finally sleep. For the past two weeks, he had barely been sleeping. Partially because of Wally's nightmares but also partially because he was afraid that if he fell asleep Rudolph would attempt something and it had been wearing on him. 

They talked for a little bit longer about exactly what was expected of them and they agreed mostly unproblematically. While Barry would have been uncomfortable leaving anything else in the hands of a group of thieves he knew that they wouldn't let anything happen to Wally. They loved that kid and always had, ever since he first stepped foot on the streets in his yellow uniform they had been determined to protect him from any other villain. Why? Nobody knew, but it meant that Barry could trust them to make sure Rudolph stayed far away. 

After Flash left the rouges he stopped to get some doughnuts and went home. Wally was asleep on the couch despite the fact it was 1 PM on a Wednesday. Last night had been more nightmares, more screaming, more crying. Another sleepless night for the both of them and Barry knew as stressful as it was on him it was twice as stressful of Wally. He sat the food down on the table and sat on the edge of the couch brushing fingers through Wally's hair. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping soundly. Barry wished he could look this peaceful all the time. He looked like that little boy that Barry had met so long ago, the one without a care in the world. Before everything went wrong, Before Rudolph started drinking and wally got diagnosed with ADHD and his mom became distance. Before the abuse. 

He had been different back then. Not only younger but just so much more genuine and happy. Not that he was fake or unhappy now but Barry could see that there had been something lost while Wally was being abused, something he wouldn't be able to get back. Maybe that's for the better, maybe for the worse. Either way, it was gone, he had lost it and wouldn't get it back. 

Wally started to stir and Barry realised he had gotten lost in thoughts. "Hey kid" He smiled "I brought doughnuts" 

wally rubbed his eyes sitting up "Doughnuts" Wally repeated rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He looked so young here. Seeing him as a hero and a fighter so often made Barry forget the fact that Wally was barely 17, he was still a child in the grand scheme of things. He shouldn't have to be going through any of this. It was cute. Barry grabbed two doughnuts out of the box handing one to Wally. They could just relax today, Barry wasn't going to mention it unless Wally wanted to. 


	8. Day 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had previously posted this but then I changed it because I wanted to change the direction of the store slightly.

The mission had gone great, they got in got intel and got out without anyone being any the wiser to their presence. It was one of the rare occasions where the mission went perfect. Now they were just watching the news. It wasn't really anything interesting but the whole group of them was tired and this was the first thing on.

After a while, the news went off and switched to a documentary called 'overpopulation in the prison systems of Central city'. Wally felt a tinge of anxiety but managed to push it away.

"I didn't realize y'all had an overpopulation problem," Artemis said looking at Wally. He just tried to shrug it off

"Its because the big prison in the next city over got destroyed in an earthquake a few years ago and they haven't rebuilt. So all the remaining prisons got overpopulated by the city trying to relocate prisoners. They would probably explain that if you watched"

Wally was actually kinda interested in the short documentary. He hadn't seen it before and had actually never even heard of it being made. Weird that something crime-related like that would be published without him or Flash even being talked to given that it was their city. 

The documentary started out talking about the city over and the earthquake that destroyed that large prison. It then went on to talk about the struggle and strain on the system to rehouse inmates. All the stuff that Wally had said. He had begun to tune out the show when the narrator said something that made him blood run cold.

"due to overcrowding in the prison system of Central City, many of the inmates with non-violent or less-severe crimes have been released early on good behaviour" 

Wally froze and tried to bury his immediate panic, it was just a documentary there was no reason for him to worry about it. And he couldn't risk freaking out cause the team was already suspicious of his behaviour lately. The documentary kept talking and Wally wished he could change it. Instead, he balled his fist up against his legs and kept watching trying to keep calm. 

The documentary quickly switched to a scene where a reporter was standing outside of a jail. "One prisoner, Rudolph West, Was let out today on good behaviour after serving half of his six-year sentence. Mr West, how does it feel to be a free man again" The reporter gestured her microphone to a man just off-screen and the camera panned over to the man of Wally's nightmares. His father was standing there on the video. He looked mean as ever and Wally felt suddenly very sick like he wanted to throw up. 

"I'm very grateful to be out" Rudolph's voice sounded the same as it always had. Three years and that man did not change at all. "I am just excited to see my son again"

* * *

_"IF YOU EVER TELL ANYONE I WILL KILL YOU" Rudolph grabbed Wally by the hair throwing him across the room. Wally just curled up into himself bracing for the impact. The feeling of the wall made pain blossom across his back and chest. He gasped roughly, his entire mouth tasted like blood._

_"Daddy" Wally whimpered curling into himself. He didn't tell, he didn't tell anyone anything. Teacher asked about the bruise on his face, and Wally told her he fell. Just like Daddy told him to so Teacher called home and told Daddy about the bruise and said she was concerned that Wally was being bullied because he had a lot of bruises lately. Daddy had convinced her that he was just clumsy but now Daddy was mad. He was certain that Wally had told her about the abuse. Wally wouldn't do that._

_"NO SHUT UP" Rudolph finished off his beer bottle and threw the bottle at Wally. It didn't break but that was almost worse because it hit his head and made his vision go fuzzy. "IF YOU EVER EVEN AS MUCH AS HINT TO ANYONE THAT I HURT YOU. I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU. I DONT CARE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND"_

_"I didn't tell her" Wally tried to explain but Rudolph would let him_

_"I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME" He screamed kicking Wally as hard as he could with every syllable. Wally was gasping to breathe his chest burned. He could only get short gasping breaths in. "ANSWER ME!"_

_He couldn't l. He couldn't form words, he couldn't breathe._

_"ANSWER ME!" Rudolph screamed. Wally was terrified he couldn't speak, he couldn't breathe. Every part of him was in pain and his house fasted like blood. His breaths tasted like blood inside his nose smelled like blood. Everything was pain and blood. Rudolph took his silence as defiance and took off his belt beating Wally with it. Wally tried to defend himself but he could barely move._

_Wally wished someone could save him, he wished that the Flash would come same him. He felt like he was dying. He wanted to die._

* * *

When Wally came out of the flashback he looked around, nobody had noticed, they were all still watching TV. His eyes met Dicks who was glancing back at him, so almost nobody had noticed. He wanted to run out of here but he knew that it would make the rest of the team even more suspicious of him. He looked at Dick silently willing the younger man to give him an excuse to get out of here and stop watching this awful documentary. Dick seemed to receive the message. 

DIck stood up stretching dramatically like he usually did "Hey Wal-man you want to come help me with some homework?" and walked out of the room without waiting for an answer. Wally gratefully followed him. He was still panicking but was trying to keep it quiet as him and DIck walked down the long hallway of the mountain and to Dicks room in the very back. A soundproofed room that only the two of them had the password to. 

As soon as the door closed Wally felt his resolution to attempt and appear calm completely shattered and tears started streaming down his face. He leaned back against the wall and let himself sink to the floor completely. 

* * *

_Wally sat against the wall curled up into himself in a vain attempt to protect himself from his father's kicks but it barely helped. His father was angry because he fainted while he was spending time at Uncle Barry's house and Rudolph was convinced that Wally had done it on purpose._

_"Daddy please I can be good" He begged trying to protect his face from the steel-toed boot that Rudolph stomped down onto him._

_"GOOD? YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO BE GOOD. YOU STUPID LITTLE ATTENTION WHORE BITCH!" Rudolph screamed. A particularly hard blow caught Wally's arm and he heard the loud crack of the bone and a blinding white pain then he felt it heal back up quickly with the help of his superspeed. He could feel that it had healed wrong and he knew he was going to have to rebreak it in order to reset it so he could heal it properly. He wanted this all to stop, he wanted to die, this was all too much and he couldn't handle it._

* * *

"Wally, hey Wally look at me" Wally looked at Dick wiping his eyes. He was terrified, his chest felt tight, he couldn't breathe, he was light-headed, and dizzy, and nauseous from crying. Dicks bright blue eyes brought Wally some comfort but not enough to curb the panic that was boiling up in his chest. He felt a hand touch him and immediately he panicked curling back up into himself. 

"I want to die" He muttered. He couldn't do this, it was too much. It hurt to much, it was awful. He felt like he hadn't slept in weeks and really had hadn't. Not since he first learned that his father was getting out early. He was so scared and paranoid that he couldn't do anything, he was always so scared even when he was with the team or at school or on a mission, No matter what he was doing to always felt scared. 

"I know your scared but.."

"NO" Wally didn't want any but's. He didn't want anyone to try and confurt him, he didn't want anyone else to tell him that he was safe. He wasn't safe, he was scared and tired. "I want to fucking die, I can't do this. I can't sleep, I can't focus, I can't think. Im so fucking scared all the time I just want it to end. I don't want to do this anymore. I quit, I'm done. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please please please comment


	9. Day 18 (pt.2)

_"I want to fucking die, I can't do this. I can't sleep, I can't focus, I can't think. I'm so fucking scared all the time I just want it to end. I don't want to do this anymore. I quit, I'm done."_

Barry listened to the sound of Wally's voice on the security camera video that Dick was showing him. Dick had decided to call him because Wally was having flashbacks and getting too out of control for DIck to handle himself. Listening to those words broke Barry's heart as he glanced over at Wally who was passed out of the bed, he had been passed out when Barry got here probably having burned out all his energy. They had dealt with a period of time right after Wally's parents had been arrested and they adopted him that he had gotten supper depressed and suicidal. That period of time was a rough point in all of their lives and the idea of going back to that scared him. 

He knew Wally had been under a lot of stress lately and he knew subconsciously that there was a chance of this happening, but he had tried to pretend that it wouldn't get this bad. That somehow it would all work itself out and everything would be fine again. "Thank you for telling me" Barry rubbed his eyes looking back at Dick and the camera, Dick had a bruise on his face that Barry highly suspected was from Wally but he didn't say anything about it and neither did Dick. Wally had an unfortunate habit of getting combative when he was having panic attacks or flashbacks and Barry had also received more than a few bruises from the boy when they first adopted him. 

"There's one more thing," Dick said and Barry felt his heart sink, what else could there possibly be that could make this day any worse. Dick typed in a few things and a video clip pulled up. "A documentary came on today, this is what triggered the flashbacks" Dick clicked play and Barry watched anticipation building up in his chest. 

The news anchor was a blonde woman that Barry recognized, she was a common reporter in Central City and was known to be very disapproving of the flashes. _"One prisoner, Rudolph West, Was let out today on good behaviour after serving half of his six-year sentence. Mr West, how does it feel to be a free man again"_ Barry heard that name and anger flooded him. When the camera panned over to Rudolph's face he wanted to rip that smug assholes throat out. _"I'm very grateful to be out. I am just excited to see my son again"_

All the rage suddenly came to a very sudden stop that was replaced by fear and sickness. Wally hadn't just been being over paranoid about his father's release, Rudolph actually had the intention to find Wally more than likely hurt him. Barry wasn't sure what to do, what could he do in that situation. He looked at Wally again, the boy looked so peaceful while he slept. The rouges were already watching out for Rudolph, Barry needed to focus on Wally. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through Wally's orange hair, he had no idea what to do. He heard the door softly open and close again, when he glanced Back he noticed Dick was gone, probably trying to give them some privacy. Barry appreciated it. He just looked at Wally wondering what he should do, hell what could he do? He had offered to pay for Wally to go back to therapy if he wanted it, but that would require Wally wanting it. He wanted to just believe that they were meaningless words spoken in a moment of panic but he couldn't' run that risk, especially not with Wally having attempted suicide in the past shortly after Barry adopted him. 

He wiped a few tears off his face and laid down beside the younger boy, he didn't know what to do. He wanted to fix this somehow but he didn't know how. He pulled Wally close to him wrapping him tightly in his arms like he used to do after Wally had nightmares when he was a little kid. Back then Barry hadn't known what the nightmares were about, sometimes he still wished he could be ignorant enough not to know. 

"It'll be okay Wally I will do everything, ANYTHING I have to do to make you feel safe again. I promise."

Wally stirred in his arms and looked up at Barry, his eyes were bloodshot and he looked exhausted. "Hey Kid" he smiled and wiped the last of the tears from his eyes hoping that Wally hadn't seen them. "How are you feeling?"

Wally laid his head back down without and answer and Barry's heart broke even more. This wasn't the same little boy who he had met years ago, this wasn't the same goofy teenager, this was someone else. Someone so scared and lost and angry that Barry hardly recognized him. 

"Scared" Wally muttered and cuddled closer to him, Barry held him tighter. There was silence between them for a long time and Barry was starting to think that Wally fell back asleep when he suddenly spoke up again. "Uncle Barry, I don't want to do this anymore"

Barry froze, he knew they were going to have to talk about this but he hoped he would have more time to think about what to say. What were you supposed to say to a suicidal teenager? Especially one who had all the right and reason in the world to be scared. "I know, I wish I could help Wally but I don't know what to do." He just went with straight honestly, at this point he really didn't have anything else to say. He pulled Wally closer "but you will get through this, we will get through it. I promise I will be here for you the entire time, okay?"

Wally didn't respond just burying his face back into Barry's chest.

He couldn't help but wonder if he had just made the situation better or worse?


	10. Day 25

"I know it's been a week, but he isn't feeling good okay?" Barry paced talking on the phone with Bruce. Bruce was mad because Barry had to call Wally in sick to training and school ever since the documentary incident a week prior. "Yes I know training is important Bruce but I'm not going to let him go back until he feels better" Bruce was insisting that Wally needed to just get over it and stop being dramatic. And while Barry usually liked Bruce right now he was just annoyed at the arrogant man for having the audacity to tell him what to do with his nephew. "I'm not going to argue with you about this Bruce, he's staying home till I think he's ready to go back" Barry hung up the phone throwing it onto the couch. 

He was exhausted. It had been an early morning again this morning. It had been every single night all week this week, Iris had to travel a bit for work leaving just Barry to wake up every morning to the sound of Wally screaming in his sleep. It was honestly beginning to take its tole of him, both emotionally and physically. He was exhausted and stressed and worried Sick about Wally. But he knew that as hard as this was on Barry it was even harder on Wally. The poor boy was so paranoid that he couldn't even physically leave the house. The only time he had left the house this week was when he went to the groceries store with Barry and even then he had a panic attack in the store and ran out and just laid down in the car till barry was done shopping. 

Barry got up and stretched, he was mostly delaying because he had been just about to go tell Wally dinner was ready when he got the phone call from Bruce. Now that that was over there was nothing him stopping him, he had no excuse holding him back from going upstairs but he was dreading it. He dreaded anytime he had to go to Wally's room just because it broke his heart every time he saw Wally looking so sad and distant. 

He knocked softly on the door but there was no response. Wally hadn't stepped out of his room at all today, or yesterday even. At the beginning of the week, he would come out and watch TV in the living room but as the week progressed and he kept having more nightmares and more panic attacks and more flashbacks he kept drawing more into himself and isolating. He cracked open the door and peeked in, the light was off and Wally was still laying in bed facing the Wall despite the fact it was after 5. He wondered if Wally had gotten up at all today or if he had just slept all day. 

"Hey Kid" He tried to sound normal and not let Wally know how much it hurt him to see the younger man like this. He didn't want to make Wally's depression and PTSD about himself, even if it was starting to take a toll on his own mental health. He walked in sitting on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through his hair. It was greasy and gross and made Barry wonder when the last time he had showered was. "Dinner is ready" 

"not hungry" Wally's voice was flat and Barry knew that was a lie. 

"Come on Wally, you haven't eaten today, you didn't eat yesterday, and you barley ate anything the day before, please just try to come eat" He was practically begging. it terrified him at the thought of Wally not eating. Barry struggled to go one full day without eating, let alone two. And Wally already ate more than Barry on a baseline, so when he didn't eat it scared him. 

"not hungry" Wally muttered again and pulled the blanket up over his head. Barry bit his lip trying not to cry, he felt like he was doing everything wrong in this situation. He just wanted Wally to be okay again and he didn't know what to do. Forcing Wally to keep on going and pretending everything was normal made him worse, letting him stay home made him worse, nothing seemed to make him better just worse. 

"Please Wally" he wiped a few tears off his face trying to keep his composure. "its been almost three days since you ate something, you know Dangerous that is, please just come eat dinner" As much as he hated it he could hear the desperation and sadness in his voice. Still, Wally didn't stir just lying under his blanket. Barry waited a few moments more before sighing. "I'll make you a plate, you can come eat when you want," Barry said softly and kissed his forehead through the blanket. 

He got up and left the room going down to the kitchen. He did exactly what he said he would and made a plate for himself and a plate for Wally sitting it at the table where Wally would normally sit. He knew that Wally probably wouldn't come down but just in case he did Barry wanted to have food ready for him. 

* * *

Wally stirred slightly under his blanket as he heard the door click shut. He could hear the tears that Barry had obviously been trying to hide and he felt like an ass. He was really hungry but he didn't want to eat, he didn't feel like he deserved to eat. He had been so selfish lately. He had been waking Barry up with his nightmares, he had made his uncle's life so much more inconvenient and stressful. He wished that Barry had never found out about the abuse because then Barry wouldn't have to worry about Wally all the time. 

He felt so exhausted and he couldn't tell if it was because he was half-starved or if it was from lying around all day. Probably both. He hadn't realized it had been almost three days since he last ate, time had meant nothing recently. The only time he wasn't paranoid and terrified was when he was asleep, so he was sleeping a lot. He didn't want to eat but he pushed himself out of bed slowly, this was more for Barry's sake than it was for his own desire to be awake or alive at this point. 

He walked really slow with one hand trailing against the wall. He felt so dizzy that he was afraid if he took his had off the wall he would pass out. He could smell pasta and it made him stomach growl, he really was hungry despite the fact he didn't really want to eat. "Uncle Barry?" He peaked into the dining room and Barry looked up from the Table looking surprised and happy.

"Hey Kid, glad you decided to join me" Barry smiled and Wally couldn't help but notice how forced it looked. He sat down at the table poking at his food. He stabed a single noodle wating it, immediately his stomach went sour and he felt sick. He didnt want to eat but he forced himself to take a couple more tiny bites. They sat in silence for a while Wally pickimg at his food amd Barry trying to match pace. 

"If I twll you a secret do you promise not to hate me?" Wally glanced up at Barry trying to read his face. A secret had been weighing heavily on him for the entire week and it was eatong him alive.

"Wally nothing you tell me will ever make me hate you" Barry sounded serious. Wally contemplated for a sevond on if this was a good idea or not but really there was jo turning back now. He had to tell him.

"I...I've been hurting myself" Wally mutterrd. As soon as he saw Barrys eyes he immediately regretted his decision to tell. He regretted coming down here for dinner, he regretted waking up this morning. He felt sick to his stomach. He had been caught self harming before by his dad back when he lived with him before he had his powers. His father had beat him half to death as punishment. Wally heard Barrys chair back out slightly and panic suddenly filled him. He flashed out of the diningroom vut only made it as far as the livingroom before Barry caught his wrist and stopped him. "Im sorry im sorry im sorry please dont hurt me, I'll be good, i can be good please dont hurt me im sorry" 

"Wally im not going to hurt you, okay? But we need to talk about this" Barry sounded more exhausted then angry and Wally felt so guilty, he shouldnt have said anything. Him and Barry walked over to the couch and sat down. It was a tense moment of silence before Barry spoke. 

"You've been self harming ?" Wally nodded feeling ashamed of his actions. He had been cutting himself but because of his healing all the wounds healed in seconds leaving no evidence. "Why?"

Wall broke "I can't do this anymore, uncle Barry I need help I can't do this anymore. I just want to die" he wiped tears away not meeting Barrrys gaze. "Im sorry, i know im being stupid and selfish but I cant do this anymore. Im so scared all the time" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment.  
>  Things start getting interesting in the next couple chapters


	11. Day 25 (pt.2)

This time Barry wasted no time on anticipation or anxiety, he marched right up to the rouges hideout and banged on their door. He had just put Wally to sleep and called up Dick to watch after him while Barry went out for a little bit. Prior to that the two of them talked for a couple of hours about how he was feeling and about potentially getting Wally a therapist to talk to. He had learned that Wally had been cutting himself again ever since he learned his dad was getting out of prison almost four weeks ago and that ever since he had seen that documentary a week ago the self-harm had gotten really bad, to the point that Wally had even begun to scare himself. Which is why he had come clean to Barry. 

Barry wasn't mad at him, mostly he just felt like an ass because he hadn't noticed. He knew that because of Wally's super healing the cuts would have only stayed on his skin for a few minutes at most but Barry still felt like he somehow should have noticed. Especially with Wally's history of self-harm and suicide attempts, he should have been paying closer attention. He should have seen that Wally wasn't coping. 

"Red, no need to break the door down" Captin Cold opened the door and Barry walked in without invitation slamming the door behind him. Heatwave was sitting on the couch drinking a beer and Snart was standing behind Barry. Barry turned on the older man 

"Where is he!?" He demanded, "Where is Rudolph!?"

Barry could feel himself vibrating and he knew he needed to calm down but he couldn't. He was pissed. He was pissed at himself for not noticing how Bad wally was getting, he was mad at the rouges for not giving him more consistent updates, he was mad at Bruce for refusing to help or even care, he was mad at the prison system for letting Rudolph out early, he was mad at Rudolph for having the audacity to exist. The only person he wasn't mad at right now was Wally, he just felt bad for Wally. 

"Rudolph has been laying low, he has an apartment on the edge of the city. He hasn't made any moves or tried to contact anybody" Lenord said calmly with none of his normal teasings. For some reason, Lenord cared about Wally almost as much as Barry did. He was practically Wallys weird criminal second uncle. 

For some reason the fact the Rudolph was just relaxing made Barry even madder. Their lives had been turned upside down and spiralled into a mess and paranoia and depression, and Rudolph was just lounging in an apartment somewhere being happy and free. He balled up his fist trying to keep himself calm, he noticed that time perception was starting to slow and he knew that it meant he was going too fast but he couldn't really stop because he was just overwhelmed with rage at the fact that Wally was a fucking mess and his father, who was the cause of all of this, was just existing happily as a free man. 

"Maybe you should sit down there Red? you don't look so good" Leonard's voice sounded like it was in slow motion and Barry knew he was right. He was burning way too much energy and was starting to feel light-headed and probably should sit down for a few minutes. He didn't care that both Lenard and Heatwave could see him, they had both worked with him before. They had both seen him have panic attacks before, honestly, they were more friends than enemies at this point. 

His mask was making it hard to breathe so he yanked it off throwing it onto the floor, it didn't matter these two already knew his identity, they had for years. The longer this anger burned inside him the less it began to feel like rage and the more it began to feel like panic until something snapped and he suddenly felt like his chest was too tight to breathe. He buried his face in his hands trying to calm down. The anger had triggered a panic attack and now he felt like he couldn't calm down. This wasn't abnormal for him, he had been prone to panic attacks his entire life and anger was one of the most common triggers. Still, he felt so selfish for feeling this way because he knew this wasn't about him "I'm going to kill him" Barry muttered not really caring. 

"Killing people ain't really your style" HeatWave spoke up and Barry shot him a death glare. He didn't care anymore. 

"I don't care, Wally needs to be safe. he hasn't slept in a week, he isn't eating, he's too scared to leave the house and it's all Rudolphs fault. I need to protect Wally" Barry knew he probably shouldn't be telling these things to the two rouges but then again with the way they watched Wally he knew that they probably already knew. His fingers were beginning to tingle from him breathing too fast and he was still growing dizzier.

Lenord sat down on the dirty couch beside Barry "You need to calm down before you pass out on my floor" 

Again Barry knew he was right, he was wound up on anxiety and lack of sleep, he wasn't thinking clearly and needed to calm down. But he couldn't he put a hand to his chest trying to breathe at a more steady rate but he couldn't seem to slow down.

* * *

Barry didn't remember passing out but he woke up lying on his side on the old couch in the rouges lair. He felt sore and nauseous. Slowly he pushed himself up looking around kind of confused. He didn't remember falling asleep or passing out but he must have, what other explanation could there be?

"Good, you're awake" Snart's dry voice startled Barry and he looked at the older man who was now holding a cup of hot chocolate out to him, "I told ya that you were gonna pass out on my floor" Barry accepted the drink taking a small sip

"sorry" he muttered feeling embarrassed "how long was I out"

Snart shrugged and sat down side him "three hours, good thing to, you looked exhausted" Barry was exhausted. Between staying up until Wally fell asleep (because the boy was too paranoid to go to sleep unless Barry was there) and waking up when Wally had nightmares he hadn't slept much in the past week, or really the past month. Not that he blamed Wally for that but no matter it still had taken a toll on him. 

"Look Red, I ain't no parent. And I ain't in the business of tellin' you what to do. But my father was a mean son-of-a-bitch all the same as that bastard Wally calls a dad. Even if ya kill him, if Wally don't know that, then it ain't gonna help him now is it." With that, he left Barry to drink his hot chocolate and contemplate what he wanted to do next. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE COMMENT
> 
> Poor poor Barry, he's so overwhelmed. He just wants to do what's best for Wally. 
> 
> The relationship between Barry and the rouges is more similar to the relationship they had in the TV series (which I was not a fan of) rather than the comics/animated series.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment (rven if youre reading this in the future)


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